so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
