Whod you bang
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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