God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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