Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
