dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
