Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
