just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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