Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
