I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
