he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
