Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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