Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
