Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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