he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
