drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
