I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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