my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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