I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
