God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
