sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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