Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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