oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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