i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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