allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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