What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
