I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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