Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
