Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
