super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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