Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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