im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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