After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
