I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
