i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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