God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The best revenge is premature balding
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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