1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
