apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
