I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
