...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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