when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
