i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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