I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
