I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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