Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
