I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
