I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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