so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
