We're facebook friends in real life
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
