i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
