Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
