smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm at about main and main street
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
