I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My vagina is officially offended.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
