my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
