Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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