i just wanna soil my oats bro
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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