and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
