yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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