god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
